Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Bargaining for Tomorrow

"There is nothing of which we are apt to be so lavish as of Time, and about which we ought to be more solicitous; since without it we can do nothing in this World. Time is what we want most, but what, alas! we use worst; and for which God will certainly most strictly reckon with us, when Time shall be no more." William Penn

I haven’t slept very well since we got the Littles and after Jake’s death my ability to sleep has just gone to hell.  Little #1 doesn’t sleep through the night yet and once in awhile Little #2 wakes up just as I get Little #1 back to sleep which makes sleep a rare commodity at my house. 

But tonight, I was woken up by someone else crying, my partner.  He has been taking the death of Jake hard. He’s at the bargaining stage of grief.  (I’m still in denial).  He seems to be asking himself  “What if I would have stopped him from leaving that night?” “What if I had tried to talk to him more?” "What if ....?" But nothing can change what happened, no amount bargaining or pleading to wake up from this horrible dream, nothing can change the reality of Jake's death. 

I also think the “I’ll do it tomorrow” attitude that a lot of people fall prey to has hit him.  You all know that attitude…I’ll talk to him tomorrow, or I’ll make everyone sit down for dinner tomorrow, or I’ll try to be more involved TOMORROW.  You always think there will be a tomorrow but sometimes tomorrow never comes.  Sometimes your chance at tomorrow ends with a 4 am knock on the door and two police officers looking grim.  

Maybe we can learn from Littles and their demands for the NOW…maybe we can learn to stop and do the important things NOW as tomorrow may never come.


No comments:

Post a Comment