Drink Baby Drink

As most people know, since I'm not shy about telling everyone, I nursed Jake until he was 2...he never used a bottle, never even tasted formula..
And as most nursing moms know breastfed babies eat quite often...sometimes it seems like it never stops..well my experience with breastfeeding has apparently paid off for LO...

How you may ask?  Well I'll tell you...
Since LO was about a 1 1/2 months old she would eat about 3 ounces of formula, never more then that and sometimes even less.  We were feeding her about every 2 hours...it was (is) very tiresome sometimes...but hey...that's what happens when you breastfeed so I just chalked it up to baby behavior..
At her 4 month check up I asked the doctor about LO's feeding behavior...every time I switch her to a faster nipple she seems like she's gagging and yet the slow nipple seems to tire her out and she gives up drinking.  The doctor decided that the best thing would be to have LO go for a Speech Therapy consult to see if there was some issues with her muscle tone in her jaw. 

So off we went to see what was going on..
And well, she has no gag reflex, she doesn't have proper suction/feeding technique, and she is very sensory tactile (which apparently is an issue at this age).  The therapist said we should also keep an eye on her because she might have a sensory processing disorder. 

So what does this have to do with breastfeeding?  Well these are all issues that would have been noticed in the first few weeks of nursing and though they would have caused a nursing mom some issues, a skilled lactation consultant would have been able to help correct some of the issues by proper mouth placement.
Talking to the therapist helped me feel better, I thought I was over reacting..but what really made me feel good was the therapist said that most of the babies that she sees with LO's issues are severly underweight..and the fact that she is at the proper weight shows how well I read/respond to her cues and that my experience as a breastfeeding mother is what helped the most.  Since I was already subconsciously prepared to be feeding almost constantly.

So over the next few months we are doing physical therapy...she has been switched to a different nipple, a different type of pacifier.  We have to use this funky chewy tube thing when ever we are just sitting around. And I have to do this cheek exercise and a lip exercise..and that's just for this week.  Next week there are some other things we have to start..she didn't want to overwhelm me..(ha ha)

So the good thing about this whole situation is that by catching this early her eating, swallowing, and speech won't be affected..

All because I was a breastfeeding mom!

GO BREASTFEEDING!

430am, TedTalks, and Taboo's

It's 430 in the morning and I'm laying in bed wondering what the HELL am I doing?

How did I end up with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and a car seat again. Why did I decide this was a good idea?

Yesterday I watched a Tedtalk  by Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman about Let's Talk about Parenting Taboos, Rufus and Alisa are the founders babble.com, the couple talk about four things that not really get discussed when you embark on the journey of parenthood.

1. That you will fall in love with your child the minute it's born..

Obviously this wouldn't be the case for me, I wasn't emotionally invested before the birth..it took a while to develop love for LO...I was willing to fight like a grizzly (terrible metaphor but appropriate) the minute they handed her to me, but I didn't love her right off the bat...the shock of being a parent again had to wear off first. 

2. That it's lonely to be a parent..

They are right about this in some cases..when I had my son, whom I successfully retrieved from the correct airport on Sunday, I was living with my parents but I had developed a relationship with some LLL moms which helped with the first few weeks but then I began to miss my home in Idaho and I began to miss my friends. Military families living on base tend to develop close friendships. They tend to put families that are close in rank together, you are sharing the same financial woes, the same loss of a spouse to temporary deployments, and the same hassles so it was a close nit community that helped with loneliness. 

This time around I'm struggling a bit more, I don't have a close nit group of friends, I am a totally different person that most people here in Wisconsin..I have different views on religion, parenting, and life then your average Wisconsinite.  So I have to say that yes I'm noticing some loneliness.  I have reached out to several groups, LLL (it's kind of weird to break out a bottle in the mist of nursing but hey..a kids gotta eat) and a babywearing group-Green Bay Babywears.  Hopefully this will ease my loneliness some. 

3. You can't talk about a miscarriage-

Well I've never had a miscarriage as I was only able to conceive once so I can't talk about that but I can talk about having a hysterectomy...Though it was medically necessary for me to have a hysterectomy, I still struggled with loss..It felt like a loss of womanhood..that I had been propelled in to cronehood much sooner then I wanted.  I feel felt like I was no longer a complete woman.  Any option I felt I had, like having another baby was taken from me..even though at the time I didn't want another baby..it was weird.

4.  You can't say that your average happiness has declined...

They show a chart from the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert that shows your happiness declines until your first child leaves for college.  I have to admit that I was pretty unhappy back in the days when Jake was younger and my happiness level was steadily rising the older he got..He is capable of taking care of his needs without much intervention from me..so I was freer to pursue my wishes.  Then LO showed up..has my level of happiness declined?  I'm not sure..I know that she makes me really happy at times, not so happy at 3am when she's gotten up again..but then when she snuggles down and smiles in her sleep well I forget all about the fact that its 3am. 

A taboo that I think we should talk to parents about is your relationship with each other will change.  There is nothing you can do about it just face it, accept it, and grow from it.  There isn't much sex the first few months, then what there is is quick and maybe not quite like it once was, but like the happiness chart, if you can hang on to each other through the childhood years your relationship will get better. 

What is a taboo that you think we as patents should tell new or expecting parents?

Motherhood

I want to talk about being a mother today..I'm not talking about the kind where you just donate the egg and think that's all there is too it...I'm talking about the kind where you sacrifice..
You sacrifice your time, your energy, your ability to sit down because you love the child so much.

I'm writing this post standing up and on my EVO because LO needs a nap..I tried laying her down and she promptly woke up..so I threw on my sling and I'm doing the mommy hip swing. (You mommies know the one I'm talking about...I figured I'd have to relearn it when I decided to take in LO but surprise, surprise its like riding a bike, you don't forget.)
And so I'm standing in my kitchen, listening to the sound of sweet snoring...I have plenty of things I could be doing..laundry, cleaning, bookwork, my expense report, but its more important to me that LO get her nap. I'm sacrificing! And loving it!
Attachment Parenting seems so daunting to some people. When you tell them that you babywear they look at you like your crazy..I try to explain how important it is to babies, but their response generally is to tell me I'm going to spoil her.  I know better...even though my son is shy he's not spoiled, he does what I ask him to do..he helps when I need it.
People think its forever, what they don't realize is that attachment parenting isn't helicopter parenting, The whole goal of attachment parenting is to create independence.  It's a type of parenting the teaches your children to be independent responsible teenagers and adults.  And isn't that what we as parents want?  To raise babies that grown into well functioning adults? 
Maybe during this new decade, this new year we should focus more on being attached to our children then on wars, terrorism, and the Jones'.  Maybe we need to live more simply and stay home loving our babies...
What do you think?  Are you a parent that practices attachment parenting?  Do you want to  live more simply this year?  Let me know in the comments below!

Bodhi Day and Anger Management

Since today is Bodhi Day, which is the Buddhist holiday to commemorates the enlightenment of the Siddhartha, I thought I'd talk a little bit about mindful breathing and anger management...

When I was younger..as in about 10 years ago..I had a temper that could start a fire as quick as wink. I could be described as being quick to anger and quick to forget. I've noticed that the older I've gotten, the better able I am at controlling my temper. (Either that or I just don't care anymore.) Unfortunately, over the last few weeks the flames of my fiery temper have been stroked more frequently and they are burning bright.

Little One has not been feeling well the last few days..which leads to a fussy, crying, screaming baby that seems to be inconsolable..which leads GiGi to be grumpy, impatient, and frustrated. In the logical part of my mind, I'm telling myself..there is something wrong with LO, she is either hungry, in pain, overly tired, or over stimulated (dysregulated) and as her GiGi, it is my job to figure out what is wrong. BUT.....my reptile brain just wants to scream, yell, run away, and be ANGRY...and resentful.

In the current issue of Mothering Magazine there's an article called Managing Mama Rage by Tera Freese. In the article she talks about how to take care of your anger and how to deal with a fiery temper. She gives some techniques about how to breath through your anger.

Tonight, as soon as I got LO home from SO's shop she started fussing, then it escalated to screaming uncontrollably. I got her to sleep while walking her around in the sling and laid her down, but she woke up about 5 minutes later, only to scream some more. Nothing I did seemed to make her feel better...I kept thinking about the article and the breathing techniques that she recommended..well..I couldn't remember a darn one of them...so I just started he'ing..you know that breath they teach you in Lamaze..the “he he” breath..

Did it work?..well LO was startled at the strange sound so for about 2 minutes she stopped crying but once she figured out that it wasn't a risk to her, she began screaming louder then I was he'ing. Did it help me? It did help me to be more present..and to recognize that I was quickly losing my patience. I was about to the point of laying her down in the crib and walking away (to the Bahamas) but part of me doesn't want her to feel abandoned.

SO finally got home, to find me sitting on the couch with a half naked baby (I started stripping off her clothes thinking she may be hot or just something different might stop the screaming) on the verge of tears.

Where am I going with this?? well, I guess as a good mother, it is our responsibility to recognize where our rope ends...and to realize that we don't always have to tie a knot at the end of it. We can let go of the rope...as long as we don't hurt ourselves or others, its okay to face our anger. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to leave the baby someplace safe and take a breather. Slap on the earphones and listen to some Metallica (BTW, I had to look up how to spell Metallica, cause I don't listen to them normally). It's even okay to say to LO..I'm angry, I need a break, I love you. It doesn't make us bad parents, it actually makes us better humans.

What techniques do you use to take care of your temper? And what do you do when you've reached the end of your rope?

Little One at Peace (so GiGi can play)

The other day my precious BlackBerry bit the dust. I really loved my 'berry but I loved the touch screen on my iPhone (AT&T dumped me because of to much off-network internet usage.) Then the new BB Torch came out, and I thought....fabulous! But its only available on AT&T..(damn it)  So I opted to get the new HTC EVO.  I'm still getting used to the new operating system, but I am enjoying the camera and some of the photo editing apps. The app I used to edit these pictures is PicSayPro

 

 

 

I miss my BB messenger..I loved pinning people but I did find an app called PingChat which has the same features as pinning does and allows me to text for free. The application is completely free and who can pass up free.  You can also send video, pictures, and files to your friends and you can chat with a group of people and send them all the same stuff...(totally cool)...If any of you want to give it a try my user name is GiGi_40, the app is available for iPhones, Blackberries, and Android systems.  

The phone also has a voice recognition application you can use instead of the keyboard (I'm assuming to limit distractions) but I have noticed that it causes more distraction then just typing..but I can't break the new texting law..so I have to figure out how to either enunciate more clearly or just send messages that make absolutely no sense. 

Thoughtful Thursday

Today on my business travels took me to Ripon, Wisconsin.  I'd never driven through downtown Ripon before so I decided to take a peek.  Ripon is also called Cookietown USA as it is the headquarters to Rippin' Good Cookies, it also boast a fabulous liberal arts college.  

The Local Movie Theater

For the last 20 years the Ripon Chamber of Commerce has been sponsoring A Dickens of A Christmas.  The stores were all putting up window displays and this one was finished.  It's not a particularly good picture but I noticed you can see the stores across the street..

 

So while I was downtown I stopped in a thift shop to look around.  While there I stumbled across this box...its a coffin for cremation..I thought it was a little strange...

then I noticed this written on the end of the box...which made me pause

 

Isn't it kind of ironic that they store Christmas decorations in a cremation box?  I have to wonder if they store Easter decorations in a cremation box too?  mmmm...

Later Little One and I went with our friend Sarah swimming at the community pool..

(she looks unhappy because she was crying in the car seat AGAIN!)

She really enjoyed the swimming pool.  She smiled, giggled, and she even took it in stride when she was dunked under the water.  She had a blast for about an hour and then decided it was time for her mid-day snack.  I took her to the locker room for a snack and then.....

She passed out! She was like a little limp doll..I took her back out to the pool to watch Sarah and the boys swim and she slept for about 30 minutes until I took her to get changed so we could go home!

When we got home tonight she ate dinner and passed out..she's sleeping like a rock right now..

mmmm...I think that we might have to take a weekly trip to the pool!!!!

BTW my friend Sarah has just started blogging..take a peek http://allindotime.blogspot.com/

Humanism, Sexism and the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Those of you that know me well, know that I am a Humanist who leans towards Buddhist teachings.  I don't care what religion you practice be it Christianity, Islam, or even worshiping the Flying Spaghetti Monster as long as you don't rub it in my face or judge me for not following your beliefs.  I shook my head in stunned amazement jumped for joy the other day when the Pope declared it legal for sex workers to use condoms. Hooray..Condoms for all! (BTW in 6 degrees of separation I know the pope..I lived at his nieces farm house when I lived in Germany)

Yesterday someone twittered a link to an article called Creepy Christian Patriarchy Movement Shackles Daughters to Their Fathers and Homes. I can't resist any article that talks about shackling so I took a look.  Apparently there is a faction of Christianity called “Christian Patriarchy Movement.”  This movement reminds me of Christian Domestic Discipline or men who physically abuse spank their spouses in the name of Jesus.  They are “committed to affirming the historic faith of Biblical Christianity”...okay, I'm down with that..there are people in this world who follow a book written by SciFi writer L. Ron Hubbard..a la Tom Cruise!

In the article the author talks about how Christian girls are choosing to live under the rule of their fathers to be “turned over” to their chosen husbands for care when they get married.  These captives stay at home daughters are kept turning away from higher education and careers in order to learn to be good slaves “helpmeets” for their future owners husbands...not to mention the quiverfull of children they will be having..a la The Duggar's or even Andrea Yates. 

I don't care if you are an adult and want to subscribe to this craziness.. Fine, more power to ya' but no child should be made to feel that her only goal in life is to grow up having decisions made for her, to birth as many children as God will allow and that her job is to “submit to an imperfect man’s ‘whims’ as well as his heavy requirements.”  I am not a raging feminist, but I believe that in an advanced society, all members male or female should have equal opportunity to unbiased (read non-religious) education allowing them to become whomever they want to be..be it a stay at home quiverfull mom or a Captain in the Navy whose husband does the majority of the child rearing.

I have raised my son to be an independent thinker and to question everything...the Buddha says that “we should believe nothing merely because you have been told it.” My son has chosen to be areligious at this point in his life. I don't shield him from other religions..if he came to me in the morning and said..I've had an epiphany and I want to worship L. Ron Hubbard..I might totally disagree with him, but hey..I might get to meet Tom Cruise!

So your asking yourselves..GiGi..where are you going with this???

Here's where I'm going..

At this moment sleeping next to me is a precious little one..I love her to the moon and back..but I would not be in this situation if her birth mother believed in birth control..do you know why she doesn't believe in birth control? Because she feels baby's daddy's “religion” forbids it.  Since the daddy's religion is often brought up in regards to little one..I did some research..and I found that..(you're going to be shocked) Islam forbids sex outside of marriage! Can you believe that? Oh and you know what else? Islam actually allows birth control..one of the reasons given to allow birth control is because "the husband cannot financial support more children."  

So lets pretend that its okay to have sex without being married if you're Muslim..but you already have more kids then you can support..guess what..you can use birth control. So why exactly does birth mother believe that birth control is wrong? Let alone why isn't she practicing abstinence?

This leads me to what aggravates me the most about the people who follow religion..they pick and choose what to follow..You want to wear a demin skirt that has some stretch..just forget about Leviticus 19:19...you want to complain about the little ones nails being too long, just say its against your religion. GRRR

That being said..I am all about rituals..rituals define who we are, what we are doing, and how we are going to go about it..I am looking for a non-religious ritual for a child, kind of like a naming ritual.  I'd like it to have something similar to "godparents" as in someone who looks out for the welfare of the child.  If you have one or have a link to one please post it in the comments below.  

Saturday Chaos!

So once again its 30 minutes till the Sunday and I haven't even started on the blog.

I had a great morning with the little one this morning only to have the afternoon turn into a screamy fit..my plans of doing some shopping for myself didn't work out.  Every time I put her down to sleep so I could get ready to go, just ended with screaming and upset...I did get a bit testy with her and DS..We finally got out around 2pm and I got a chance to buy two Daily Tea outfits for her.  I know Daily Tea is expensive, but I love their line.  They are feminine yet don't overwhelm you in the pinkness that baby girls tend to get stuck with.  I needed to pick up some new pants for myself as I have lost to much weight to continue wearing my old pants but I didn't get a chance to get to Kohl's. 

We had Thanksgiving dinner with family tonight, which was great.  Its always nice to get together with family and talk and eat great food.  My son went with us and I can honestly say I think he actually had a good time.  He ate a lot, almost seemed like I never feed the boy!  Everyone loved the LO's sling and thought that babywearing was neat.  Of course there wasn't much babywearing as everyone wanted a chance to hold her!

I just got little one off to sleep and I would like to get some rest because tomorrow is grandma visit day which really just drags on me..

Goodnight all!

It's All About the Boots

So today was a court date for LO's parents...I have to say parents lightly because some anonymous guy has stepped forward and said that he's the baby daddy..it's like a real life Jerry Springer show. So now things have been put-on hold until after the New Year.

What struck me the most was when they brought mom out is how casual she seemed to be about being in an orange jumpsuit and shackled! It was like it was a completely normal thing...I just kept thinking..WHY!

So when that was done I went and did some work...but I did stop at this cool vintage shop and walked away with a pair of boots and a cool Harris Tweed jacket.

Living with Me Can Cause Drinking!

Its Saturday night I have 45 minutes to get today's post written, edited, and posted.  I have no topic in mind and I have someone reading over my shoulder which makes it even harder...

I spent the day in bookkeeping hell...I hate, absolutely hate, doing the books for my SO's business..we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and how I run the business books is one of them..It leaves me angry, flustered and lacking patience for the LO and my DS..I just want to run away screaming..sooo

I did run away from the shop, but I ran away with the LO and we ran to someone's house to pick up a Exersaucer for $15.  (I love Craigs List!)  She's still to small for it, but in just a few months she'll think it's the bee's knees!

When I got back home (I never run away for too long)  I found a package from Jenny over at Making a Home and Family which thrilled me..I bought some diapers from her and she had to school me on how to use them..I was hoping that another package would be in my mailbox too..a new sling from BabyEtte but alas, I am going to have to wait until next week!

We spent the evening watching movies..I finally sat down and watched New in Town with Renee Zellweger..it reminded me of how I felt during my first winter in Wisconsin..cold and in culture shock!

After the movie..SO decided that he wanted to mess with GiGi and well..you shouldn't mess with GiGi..a water fight ensued and this is what happens!  I win the water fight and you get driven to drink in the bathroom in the dark!

At this moment we are all calmed back down and watching Seven Years in Tibet (Brad Pitt is hot, even with a terrible accent!), LO is sleeping and I'm about ready to head off to the shower..

Remember..don't mess with GiGi..

Topic of the Day: MEN!

I want to talk about men..it seems to be the topic today..Whitney over at Not Merely a Momma talked about her husbands feet and Tiffany (@MomNom) blogged at Scary Mommy about neutering her husband.  I want to talk about how frustrating men can be sometimes...

They fart, belch, leave their dirty socks all over the house, and never put the toilet seat down.  They scratch their privates and pick their butts..and when you bend over to pick something up they butt check you!  (Butt checking is..when they thrust their pelvis into your tush I hate that!!)  I can barely tolerate those things, but I think its programmed in to their DNA so what else can you expect..what I can't tolerate is when grandpa does things just to annoy me.

Like when the LO is sleeping, he comes in and makes loud noises seemingly wanting to wake her up.  I just want to slap him upside the head...I am terrified that she'll wake up and then I'll have to spend hours getting her back to sleep..I threaten him with death if he wakes her but he just smiles and acts like its no big deal.

The other thing he does that pisses me off (I can get pissy pretty easily) is when he brings me the LO with a poopy diaper.  He just smiles and leaves her in my lap..I'm mean jeez..its just a dirty diaper..clean the damn thing.  Poor baby having to wait for me to do it!  I have been half tempted to leave a dirty diaper in his car, just to prove the point..don't mess with the GiGi!

Terrific Tuesdays!

So yesterday at 8:30am I got a phone call from the LO's social worker saying that our home care coordinator called in sick so they were canceling the visit with the LO's birth mom this morning..I'm like wh..wh..wh..what?  I had no idea that there was even a visit scheduled..baby wasn't ready that's for sure!  Then she says..oh maybe I forgot to call you.  What the hell?  BTW..I'm not a crazy planner, but I do like an idea of what I'm going to be doing so that I can make sure we are where we need to be or else I begin to get resentful.  But geez..a little earlier notice would have been nice. 

Visits with mom were canceled two weeks ago since she was incarcerated again..but they will be starting up again so LO will be taking her first trip to the county jail next week.  I'm not quite sure that jail is good for 10 week olds, but..it's all about the momma! 

I also found out that baby's daddy has gone to court and established paternity and now would like some visits..which brings up some issues in my mind because daddy doesn't have a job, a car, or a place to live.  Dad is entitled to two visits a week, but who the hell knows where the they'll be at cuz coming to see her here is out..did I say that daddy is homeless?  I did say I was willing to help facilitate some visits, which means that I will taking LO to see him (library?) and then hang out while he visits.   But its all about the daddy!

So now once visits get going there will be a visit once week for mom, two visits a week for dad, and one visit a week for grandma.  Visits for mom and dad will be happening during regular business hours and the social worker doesn't really want a mom and dad visit on the same day..I'm like when the hell am I supposed to work?  But it's all about the birth parents!

And yes I'm frackin' bitter but this is my blog so just get over it! and don't be commenting about it being all about placement back with the birth parents cause I know what the goal is..I'm just being bitter!

I know that a perfect world, mommy and daddy will get their damn acts together and in a period of a few months get out of jail, find a job, get an apartment, and become stable so that LO can move back in with her birth parents, but come on..daddy already has three kids that don't live with him..oh wait that's cuz daddy doesn't have an place or a job. Mommy is a felon with severe mental health issues..When does CPS say NO, enough! We've found a place for your LO and you can still be involved with her life, since its a family member..but you have lost your right to decide her future! When is it about the Little One?

I have to wonder if this is why we have so many kids in the foster care system.  The goal of CPS is placement back into the biological parents home..but if there are so many negatives how can you get to the positive? And when you repeatedly pull a child from their biological parents and place them in foster care homes when do you say enough?  If a child is removed more then twice do you say enough?  And what help are we giving these parents before, during and after replacement?  When do we as a society that wants productive citizens say ENOUGH?

Not My Day

 So today started off as a good day, the LO was all smiles this morning and giggles, which I find totally AWESOME!  She took a nap and woke up on the wrong side of it, which made her cranky, which in turn made me cranky..
 

At about 5:00 pm tonight I began to feel resentful...

I resent the fact that I have to bend my life around someone else's inability to care for my LO. 

I resent the fact that I never know what is going to happen from day to day. 

I resent that I have to play nice and I don't want too. 

I resent that fact that I can't do what I want to anymore. 

And I resent that EVERYTHING I do is under a microscope. 

I resent that I have to keep my house spotless.

I resent the fact I have to deal with idiots.

And I also began to feel tired...

Tired of dealing with people who tell me what a good person I am..I don't feel like a good person, I'm just a person doing what needs to be done. Someone has to step up and take care of the LO and if it's me at least I know I have given her a fighting chance.

I'm tired of the looks of sadness when I tell them she's my foster baby.

Tired of washing bottles.

I'm tired of having to visitors to my house..

I'm tired of baby vomit.

I'm tired of listening to a LO scream her head off because she doesn't want to be in that damn car seat any longer, because I have forgotten that I can't do what I want to do anymore and I've kept her out to long...

I AM JUST TIRED...

On my way home while the LO was screaming (it was a 5 mile drive) I was trying to think about what steps I can take to make things easier on myself. So here is my plan..

Tomorrow I'm going to plan out my meals for the week and I'm going to go the grocery store and the dairy..I'm going to try and get the laundry washed and dried.

On Sunday when the LO is being visited by biological grandma, I'm going to try and cook the meals for the week, so all I have to do is reheat them..and I'm going to fold the laundry and change the sheets on the bed.

Blessed Be..and good night

4 Questions

Every morning when I get up I have a four things I do to make my day go better..I take my vitamins, I brush my teeth, put on my makeup, and ask myself four questions.

This has been my morning ritual for years but lately I've had to modify my morning ritual to include bottle washing..those darn things don't wash themselves.  Because I've had to add bottle washing as well as caring for LO to my rituals, sometimes other things slip..I forget to put on my makeup or take my vitamins, I've even forgotten to brush my teeth but I always remember to ask my four questions..They are what keeps me grounded!

They are simple questions but they have a power of their own.  I have them written on a post-it note and stuck to my bathroom mirror.
 

Question 1.  Who do I love?
Question 2.  Who loves me?
Question 3.  What am I proud of?
Question 4.  What do I wish to accomplish today?

I also have them written in my calendar and in my household planner.  I have them stuck in other places so that when I forget who I am, or where I am going,  I can stop and ask the questions again to help me get back on track.

There have been days in my life when I struggle to remember who loves me.  Or I can't find a thing to be proud of, but I never move on to the next question until I have an answer..Someone always loves you and there is always something to be proud of in you life.  As for accomplishments..sometimes just asking the four questions is accomplishment enough. 

Today when I asked the questions these were my replies:

Question 1.  Who do I love?
I love my son and my LO.

Question 2.  Who loves me?
My son and my parents.

Question 3.  What am I proud of?
I'm proud of the way I am raising my children and that I have blogged for 8 days in a row.

Question 4.  What do I wish to accomplish today?
Getting that rack set done in Milwaukee and getting home at a decent time so I can write my 9th post.  

We all have our own rituals, those things that we do rote, so our day runs smooth.  What are some of your morning rituals?  And what would be your answers to the four questions? 

Day 8 of NaBloPoMo

Its already 8 days into November and I have yet to figure out if I should be writing these posts the night before and schedule them to post the next day. If I should get up early and write them in the morning (this is a virtual impossibility as mornings and I are like oil and water, we do not mix well!) or if I just keep doing what I'm doing at sit down to write them after the LO is down for the night. The problem with writing them at night is I'm tired and have no motivation to write something original..

That being said I'm going to write about something that has come up today..
Veronica at CrunchyVTMommy and over at Raising My Boychick everyone was talking about Erica Jongs article Mothering Madness in the Saturday issue of the Wall Street Journal.  Both blogs had great takes on Attachment Parenting and how motherhood isn't a prison.

I'd like to talk about her third paragraph which starts out like this:

We also assume that "mother" and "father" are exclusive terms, though in other cultures, these terms are applied to a variety of aunts, uncles and other adults. Kinship is not exclusively biological, after all, and you need a brood to raise a brood.

She is correct, it doesn't take blood to raise a family.  Look at all the people who become foster parents and adoptive parents.  We take on children that are not biologically ours and try to raise them to the best of our ability.  But adoptive/foster parents sometimes face an uphill battle because the children they choose to raise can already have issues making proper attachments, making it more important that these mothers focus on attachment and not "handing" them off to others to help raise. 

Her next few sentences are this..

Cooperative child-rearing is obviously convenient, but some anthropologists believe that it also serves another more important function: Multiple caregivers enhance the cognitive skills of babies and young children. Any family in which there are parents, grandparents, nannies and other concerned adults understands how readily children adapt to different caregivers. Surely this prepares them better for life than stressed-out biological parents alone.

This statement perplexes me "how readily children adapt to different caregivers." Yes, children do well with multiple care givers but studies show that home care is preferable to day care.  A child being in daycare lends to an parent to being more of an attachment parent at night and on weekends.  How else do you reconnected with them?  My LO is taken from me twice a week for three hours with people that she doesn't really know to see a mentally ill mother that doesn't know how to attach to her child.  It takes hours sometimes to get my disorganized LO back to her secure self.  Why would I damage her "self" by handing her off to anyone if I didn't have too?  

When I was a babe back in the early 70's my mother was encouraged to bottle feed, to let me cry myself to sleep, and to not pick me up all the time.  And even now as an adult, I can tell my mom that is not how I want to raise my child she will argue with me.  She'll tell me how it didn't do me any harm..So how do I know that when I leave my child with her that she is following my wishes?  That I want her picked up him instant he cries, that I want her to lay down with him until he falls asleep, that I want her to wear him as much as possible.  I don't and neither do other parents who choose to follow the Attachment Parenting path.  Please note..I'm not dissing my mom, I love my mom tremendously and without her I wouldn't be who I am today, but I recognize her limits

And her final sentence of the paragraph

Some of these stressed-out parents have come to loathe Dr. Sears and his wife and consider them condescending colonialists in love with noble savagery.

I have found that the parents who are "stressed-out" tend to be the ones that can't see the long term results of the two to three years of stress..Yes it was hard to breast feed my son until he was 2, but now at 16, I smile everyday because I know that my attachment parenting made him the fine young man he is today!

Music Review-Kids Keller Williams

So tonight I'm going to try my hand at a music review...
I like artists like A Fine Frenzy, Meiko, and Jack Johnson though I have been know when in a funky mood to listen to CocoRosie (if you just want to listen to a cool cover of Turn Me On click on over to KCO meets CocoRosie) and even Cavo but I haven't listened to kids music in probably 10 years.
So LO and I have been listening to Dvork and Mozart cause I'm not sure that Turn Me On sung provocatively is good for babies!

I picked up a few CD's at the library like Bill Harley and Playful Baby but they just don't really do it for me..so I set about looking for something that would meet my needs as well as her growing needs.

I stumbled upon Keller Williams and his new album Kids..This album is his first-ever children's record.  There are several songs that are sung with his daughter which brings the feeling of this really being a children's record. 

Keller Williams is primarily a solo artist who a combines assorted genres into his music.  He has a bluezy, jazzy sometimes alternative bluegrass feel to his music.  Think Jack Johnson but a with a bit of bluegrass mixed in.

His guitar playing and complex melodies are enough to keep adults entertained and his lyrics are funny and sometimes bawdy.  (And by bawdy, I mean g-rated bawdy.)  Two of the tracks Good Advice and Mama Tooted are just two of the tracks that have some bawdy type lyrics that will make parents smile as well as make 5-10 year olds laugh out loud. 

Some of the songs I really enjoyed..

Car Seat-(Track 2) this is a great song with a Jack Johnson kind of feel..it has a good beat and some great rhythm.  The lyrics are catchy and give good visualization of a car seat being a rocket ship and how you can just lay back and chill in your car seat.  This is a good song for a reluctant car seat child who complains about the straps being tight and the discomfort that being restrained can cause.

Free download of Car Seat

Taking a Bath-(Track 6) this is a fast paced folksy, bluegrass song that talks about taking a bath to get the stink off.  I'd play this song as we were heading off to take a bath to a child who was not a fan of bathing.  

Hey Little Baby-(Track 9) This song is sung with Keller and his daughter..and is an acoustic song about a baby waking up in the middle of the night and maybe needing a diaper change, but there's some hugging going on there too!

Grandma's Feather Bed-(Track 13) This is a great cover of John Denver's Grandma's Feather Bed..he definitely freshens up this song and if I wouldn't have been exposed to John Denver as a kid I never would have realized it was a cover.  It has a blues, funky kind of feel..

There is really only one song that I'm not to keen on and that's because this is a kids album and kids have short attention spans..the fourth track-Hulahoop to da loop..this is a great display of Keller's musical abilities but as it starts out it reminds me of the song that plays during the opening credits of a movie soundtrack...it takes a full 1:40 minutes before the lyrics start..once those lyrics start its a great song and I have heard it played on XM Kid's Place several times without the led in..He could have knocked 1 minute off the song and it would have been perfect!

Over all this is a great album, that I think will meet the needs of children under 10 and their parents.  They lyrics are catchy and simple, lending to easy learning so the whole family can join in on the singing fun.  Even though the lyrics are simple, there is a definite grown up component to Keller's music that will delight parents.  I give this album 5 stars!

Edited--Keller Williams supports audio taping of his performances and non-commercial use of the recording..if you'd like to listen to some of his adult music head on over to the Internet Archive. The Internet Archive is a 501c3 that is building an archive of digital formats.

Friday Night Lights..OUT??

Okay so it's day 5 of National Blog Post Month and once again I find myself at the end of the night scrambling to write a post before lights out...but I'm going to do this..I can write a post a day for the next 30 days..I am strong, I am invincible..bah who am I kidding..

This morning as I rolled, and I literally mean rolled, out of bed to get the LO a bottle I felt every bone in my back crack and pop.  All I could think about is why the hell am I doing this to myself?  Why the hell am I raising a little baby..I'm supposed to be on the home stretch.

But later when she cuddled up to me and grabbed my necklace, she's in love with it, I remembered why I'm doing this..because this little girl of mine needs the best start I can give her.  She needs to know that she is loved and that no matter what I'm there for her.  She needs ME..even if I'm popping and cracking all the way to the kitchen!

Speaking about being there..one plus of taking LO into my heart is I have gotten to know a lot of interesting and fabulous people.  People that I would have never had the chance to meet if I'd just stayed in my cushy little bubble of 40ish with a teenager.  I've met a lot of these great people on Twitter and I so appreciate all their input and their kind words! Thanks to everyone! If you want to get to know some fabulous people just check out my twitter feed!

Attachment Parenting

16 years ago I took steps to become an attachment parent.
I was raising my ex-husband's 4 year old daughter at the time and I was struggling.  Every thing I did was wrong for her.  She lied, she stole food, she argued about everything.  I was at my wits end.
My precious step-daughter was suffering from an attachment issue.
It took awhile, but I finally got pregnant.  I knew I was going to breastfeed so I started attending LLL.  That's where I got my first issue of Mothering Magazine and came across an article that discussed Jean Liedoff's book The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost (Classics in Human Development).  I couldn't find the book but I did find Jean and called her to see if she could give me help with my step-daughter.  I couldn't afford her consultation fee but she sent me a copy of her book, which then put me on the path of becoming an attached parent.
Armed with The Continuum Concept, Dr. Sears The Baby Book and numerous issues of Mothering Magazine I set out on my quest to make sure my son and I became attached.  I was known in the neighborhood as the crazy mom.  I breastfed until my son was 2 even though my ex-husband objected, I used cloth diapers, I defied the doctors and co-slept with my son. 
The biggest thing I did that turned everyone's head was I wore my son.  I think I was the only mom on Mountain Home Air Force Base that wore her baby.  You could find me walking down the aisle of the commissary with my son in his ring sling.
I was CRUNCHY back before it was called crunchy!
Fast forward to now...My son is shy but he is a caring, kind young man with good manners.  He gets good grades, he's a cautious driver, he is rarely contentious.  He's a good kid, and I'm proud of him and the adult he is becoming.  
When I explained to him that we would be bringing a little baby girl into our lives he commented that we didn't have very good luck with girls.  He has two "sisters" and they haven't turned out so well.
My response to him was that I didn't get a chance to raise his sisters from birth, that they came into our lives already slightly damaged.  He shook his head and went back to reading his book.
I have brought a newborn into his life and he has stepped up to the plate.  He starts the dishwasher if its full, he mows the lawn without me asking, he told me that if I need help he's here to help me-all I have to do is ask.
Is this all because of attachment parenting?  I don't know but I'd like to think so!
I do know this, the little girl that's laying beside me sleeping is going to get the same chance that my son did 16 years ago.  I can't breastfeed, but I can wear my LO everyday and make sure that she learns how to properly bond with her caregiver.
I can give her the one thing that will affect her life forever whether she spends it with me or is placed back with her birth mother.  I can give her the gift of ATTACHMENT and it seems to me that is the most important thing a baby can be given.

Oh...it's Thursday

Someone on my twitter feed asked if I had a blog.  The answer was yes but I never blog, though I feel like I have so many useless things to say.
After the last big change in my life, a la bringing a newborn in to my home, I fully intended to connect with others using my words, but heck if I can find the time.
So I thought..oh I could start off easy with pictures cause its "Wordless Wednesday". 

My son Jake, dog Max and Me!

Myself and Baby

Imagine my surprise when I sat down that it was no longer Wednesday but somewhere I had moved on to Thursday and I'm now pushing Friday..Where did the time go?  Why does time speed up the older you get? 
Well, I have a baby on my lap, my Chai tea is cold and if I'm going to get any sleep tonight I'd better get my face washed.  Tomorrow is another day!