Bodhi Day and Anger Management

Since today is Bodhi Day, which is the Buddhist holiday to commemorates the enlightenment of the Siddhartha, I thought I'd talk a little bit about mindful breathing and anger management...

When I was younger..as in about 10 years ago..I had a temper that could start a fire as quick as wink. I could be described as being quick to anger and quick to forget. I've noticed that the older I've gotten, the better able I am at controlling my temper. (Either that or I just don't care anymore.) Unfortunately, over the last few weeks the flames of my fiery temper have been stroked more frequently and they are burning bright.

Little One has not been feeling well the last few days..which leads to a fussy, crying, screaming baby that seems to be inconsolable..which leads GiGi to be grumpy, impatient, and frustrated. In the logical part of my mind, I'm telling myself..there is something wrong with LO, she is either hungry, in pain, overly tired, or over stimulated (dysregulated) and as her GiGi, it is my job to figure out what is wrong. BUT.....my reptile brain just wants to scream, yell, run away, and be ANGRY...and resentful.

In the current issue of Mothering Magazine there's an article called Managing Mama Rage by Tera Freese. In the article she talks about how to take care of your anger and how to deal with a fiery temper. She gives some techniques about how to breath through your anger.

Tonight, as soon as I got LO home from SO's shop she started fussing, then it escalated to screaming uncontrollably. I got her to sleep while walking her around in the sling and laid her down, but she woke up about 5 minutes later, only to scream some more. Nothing I did seemed to make her feel better...I kept thinking about the article and the breathing techniques that she recommended..well..I couldn't remember a darn one of them...so I just started he'ing..you know that breath they teach you in Lamaze..the “he he” breath..

Did it work?..well LO was startled at the strange sound so for about 2 minutes she stopped crying but once she figured out that it wasn't a risk to her, she began screaming louder then I was he'ing. Did it help me? It did help me to be more present..and to recognize that I was quickly losing my patience. I was about to the point of laying her down in the crib and walking away (to the Bahamas) but part of me doesn't want her to feel abandoned.

SO finally got home, to find me sitting on the couch with a half naked baby (I started stripping off her clothes thinking she may be hot or just something different might stop the screaming) on the verge of tears.

Where am I going with this?? well, I guess as a good mother, it is our responsibility to recognize where our rope ends...and to realize that we don't always have to tie a knot at the end of it. We can let go of the rope...as long as we don't hurt ourselves or others, its okay to face our anger. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to leave the baby someplace safe and take a breather. Slap on the earphones and listen to some Metallica (BTW, I had to look up how to spell Metallica, cause I don't listen to them normally). It's even okay to say to LO..I'm angry, I need a break, I love you. It doesn't make us bad parents, it actually makes us better humans.

What techniques do you use to take care of your temper? And what do you do when you've reached the end of your rope?

Menu-Planning

So yesterday I talked about how I was a resentful bitch and what I was going to do to help myself..

One of the thing I talked about was making a meal plan for the week..Its a little difficult for me to meal plan because I can't eat meat yet the rest of my family feels very deprived if I completely take meat off the table.  I get around this by trying to make every other meal meatless or a meal that I can extract the meat from..like Tacos or Stir Fry.

Here's my meal's for the week:

Saturday: Smashed Potato Soup (ala @NotSuperJustMom) with skillet corn bread and a garden salad.  (I had to do some recipe modifications, I used veggie broth and veggie cream of mushroom soup and took out the bacon bits.  I also added garlic just because no recipe is complete without it!

Sunday: Chicken & Pressure Cooker Rice with Steamed Broccoli and Sweet Potato Pie (Double rice and chicken for Thursday's meal)

Meatless Monday: Angel Hair Pasta with Citrus Cream Sauce/steamed green beans

Tuesday:  Taco Tuesday with Refried beans

Wednesday:  Three Cheese Skillet Lasagne/garden salad/garlic bread

Thursday:  Stir Fry

Friday:   Potato Pierogi with mushrooms and onions/garden salad.

Potato Pierogi Recipe:

1lb Potato and Cheese Pierogi (I like Mrs. T's...when I visited Canada this summer I made them with the generic SuperValu brand and they were good too!)
Olive Oil
8 ounces of fresh mushrooms sliced (you can mix it up and use a variety like Shitake, Portebellas, and Button)
1 onion chopped
2 tsp crushed garlic
2 TBS Sherry  4 oz shredded Cobly-Jack (or anything you have on hand)
Sour Cream-Optional

Preheat oven to broil.

Put some olive oil in a large saute pan* and heat up to medium-high, saute onion for 2 minutes then add mushrooms and garlic.  Cook until mushroom soften then add sherry and pierogi.  Cook pierogi for about 5 minutes on oneside, then flip over and cook for 5 minutes more.

Take off heat and place in a broil proof dish and cover with cheese.  Broil for 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.

*My saute pan can be placed in the oven so I just top the pierogi with the cheese and just pop it into the oven. 


Good eating everyone..if you want recipes for anything else I'm making this week, leave a comment and I'll post it for you!

Not My Day

 So today started off as a good day, the LO was all smiles this morning and giggles, which I find totally AWESOME!  She took a nap and woke up on the wrong side of it, which made her cranky, which in turn made me cranky..
 

At about 5:00 pm tonight I began to feel resentful...

I resent the fact that I have to bend my life around someone else's inability to care for my LO. 

I resent the fact that I never know what is going to happen from day to day. 

I resent that I have to play nice and I don't want too. 

I resent that fact that I can't do what I want to anymore. 

And I resent that EVERYTHING I do is under a microscope. 

I resent that I have to keep my house spotless.

I resent the fact I have to deal with idiots.

And I also began to feel tired...

Tired of dealing with people who tell me what a good person I am..I don't feel like a good person, I'm just a person doing what needs to be done. Someone has to step up and take care of the LO and if it's me at least I know I have given her a fighting chance.

I'm tired of the looks of sadness when I tell them she's my foster baby.

Tired of washing bottles.

I'm tired of having to visitors to my house..

I'm tired of baby vomit.

I'm tired of listening to a LO scream her head off because she doesn't want to be in that damn car seat any longer, because I have forgotten that I can't do what I want to do anymore and I've kept her out to long...

I AM JUST TIRED...

On my way home while the LO was screaming (it was a 5 mile drive) I was trying to think about what steps I can take to make things easier on myself. So here is my plan..

Tomorrow I'm going to plan out my meals for the week and I'm going to go the grocery store and the dairy..I'm going to try and get the laundry washed and dried.

On Sunday when the LO is being visited by biological grandma, I'm going to try and cook the meals for the week, so all I have to do is reheat them..and I'm going to fold the laundry and change the sheets on the bed.

Blessed Be..and good night