Friday, November 12, 2010

Not My Day

 So today started off as a good day, the LO was all smiles this morning and giggles, which I find totally AWESOME!  She took a nap and woke up on the wrong side of it, which made her cranky, which in turn made me cranky..
At about 5:00 pm tonight I began to feel resentful...
I resent the fact that I have to bend my life around someone else's inability to care for my LO. 
I resent the fact that I never know what is going to happen from day to day. 
I resent that I have to play nice and I don't want too. 
I resent that fact that I can't do what I want to anymore. 
And I resent that EVERYTHING I do is under a microscope. 
I resent that I have to keep my house spotless.
I resent the fact I have to deal with idiots.
And I also began to feel tired...
Tired of dealing with people who tell me what a good person I am..I don't feel like a good person, I'm just a person doing what needs to be done. Someone has to step up and take care of the LO and if it's me at least I know I have given her a fighting chance.
I'm tired of the looks of sadness when I tell them she's my foster baby.
Tired of washing bottles.
I'm tired of having to visitors to my house..
I'm tired of baby vomit.
I'm tired of listening to a LO scream her head off because she doesn't want to be in that damn car seat any longer, because I have forgotten that I can't do what I want to do anymore and I've kept her out to long...

On my way home while the LO was screaming (it was a 5 mile drive) I was trying to think about what steps I can take to make things easier on myself. So here is my plan..

Tomorrow I'm going to plan out my meals for the week and I'm going to go the grocery store and the dairy..I'm going to try and get the laundry washed and dried.

On Sunday when the LO is being visited by biological grandma, I'm going to try and cook the meals for the week, so all I have to do is reheat them..and I'm going to fold the laundry and change the sheets on the bed.

Blessed Be..and good night


  1. You are a good person! You've chosen to sacrifice a lot to make the life of your LO a bit brighter. What a lucky girl!

  2. See that's the point, if I was a good person why would I be resentful of this little one?

  3. A little resentment is normal, I absolutely adore ds, but sometimes I resent that things are different (usually it means he and I are both having a rough day) You need a break. PM me, we'll get some coffee or do an at home playdate :-)